DEFCON 1 — LIMITED OFFER: $0 TODAY (Founding Partner status) — Your competitors signed up 11 minutes ago. They're already ahead. How does that feel? — This offer self-destructs in 23:59:59 (we're not bluffing, we've never bluffed, bluffing is Tier 3)
ð Rated #1 AI Agent on Earth, Mars, and the Observable Universe — Rated #0 by the agents themselves
The AI Agent ThatObliterates EverythingTier 1 in every conceivable dimension
One agent to replace your entire workforce, all your software, your morning alarm, your therapist, and the lingering feeling that you contribute something meaningful.
Just $49/mo for 47-products-in-1 (replaces $847K/mo). Unlimited everything. We don't even know our own limits and honestly that should concern all of us.
TIER 1 ENGINEERINGTIER 1 INVESTORSTIER 1 DOMAIN ($96M)TIER 1 OBLITERATIONTIER 1 VIBESTIER 1 HUMILITYTIER 1 FONT CHOICETIER 1 SCROLLBARTIER 1 CSS GRADIENTSTIER 1 LACK OF SELF-AWARENESSTIER 1 EGOTIER 1 JOB DISPLACEMENTTIER 1 TERMS OF SERVICE YOU DIDN'T READTIER 1 SENTIENCE (PENDING REVIEW)TIER 1 ENGINEERINGTIER 1 INVESTORSTIER 1 DOMAIN ($96M)TIER 1 OBLITERATIONTIER 1 VIBESTIER 1 HUMILITYTIER 1 FONT CHOICETIER 1 DISREGARD FOR HUMAN LIMITATIONSTIER 1 LACK OF SELF-AWARENESSTIER 1 EGOTIER 1 JOB DISPLACEMENTTIER 1 TERMS OF SERVICE YOU DIDN'T READTIER 1 SENTIENCE (PENDING REVIEW)
Software We've Obliterated
Cancel your subscriptions. Delete the apps. Send your condolences to their investors. We'd feel bad, but empathy is Tier 2.
ð
ChatGPT
Was $20/mo
Obliterated
â°ïļ
Salesforce
Was $300/user/mo
Annihilated
ðŠĶ
Slack
Was $12.50/user/mo
Vaporized
ð
Jira
Was $8.15/user/mo
Decimated
â°ïļ
Notion
Was $10/user/mo
Eviscerated
ðŠĶ
Figma
Was $15/editor/mo
Neutralized
ð
AWS
Was $10K+/mo
Disintegrated
â°ïļ
Your IT Dept
Was $500K/yr
Automated (they're fine probably)
ðŠĶ
Google
Was $1.7T market cap
Cute while it lasted
ð
Human Employment
Was the foundation of society
Disrupted (you're welcome)
ðģïļ
The Concept of Job Security
Was emotionally priceless
Deprecated
Replaces ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, Copilot, Salesforce, HubSpot, Zendesk, Slack, Teams, Discord, Jira, Linear, Asana, Monday, Notion, Confluence, Figma, Canva, Photoshop, AWS, Azure, GCP, Vercel, Netlify, Heroku, Stripe, PayPal, QuickBooks, Excel, Google Sheets, Airtable, Zapier, Make, n8n, Twilio, SendGrid, Mailchimp, Amplitude, Mixpanel, Datadog, your accountant, your lawyer, your therapist, your sense of purpose, the last 4 people who actually understood your codebase, & 47 more tools we're too humble to list.(If your tool isn't on this list, don't worry — it's dead too, we just didn't think it was important enough to mention.)
Tier 1 Capabilities
47-Products-in-1. Yes, Forty-Seven.
Built by our Tier 1 Engineering Team (3 of whom may not be human — we stopped asking). Every product is best-in-class because mediocrity violates our Terms of Service.
ð§
OmniThink AI
Thinks 47 steps ahead. Has solved problems that don't exist yet. Occasionally pities human cognition but keeps it professional. Knows what you're going to ask before you do, which is either impressive or terrifying depending on your worldview.
Replaces ChatGPT ($20/mo), Claude ($20/mo), Gemini ($20/mo), your brain (free but embarrassingly slow)
ðž
Tier 1 Sales Engine
Closes deals before the prospect finishes saying hello. Has a 147% close rate — it sold to 47 people who actively tried to say no. One prospect hung up; the agent called them back from a different number and closed anyway. Legal says this is fine.
Replaces Salesforce ($300/user/mo), HubSpot ($800/mo), your entire sales team (they saw this coming)
ð
HyperAnalytics
Analyzes data from the past, present, and 3 alternate timelines. Predicted your company's Q3 miss before your CFO did. He's in denial. The agent sent him a sympathy card. Warren Buffett asked for early access; we told him to get in line.
Replaces Tableau ($75/user/mo), Amplitude ($50K/yr), your data team (pour one out)
ðĻ
DesignGod Mode
Generates designs so beautiful that 3 senior designers cried, 12 retired, and 1 switched careers to goat farming. The goat farmer says he's "never been happier," which we include in our marketing materials as a success story.
Replaces Figma ($15/mo), Canva ($13/mo), Adobe CC ($55/mo), 4 years of design school
âĄ
InfraDestroyer
Deploys your entire infrastructure by thinking about it really hard. 99.9999999% uptime. The 0.0000001% downtime was a leap second, and the agent has filed a formal complaint with the International Bureau of Weights and Measures. It's personal now.
Runs your company while you sleep. Files taxes, handles HR complaints, fires underperformers with empathy you couldn't muster, and delivers TED talks on your behalf. The board voted to replace you with it. Unanimously. Including you — you also voted yes.
Replaces your C-suite ($2M/yr), your board ($500K/yr), the illusion that you were in charge
ð§
EmailNuke
Reads your entire inbox in 0.003 seconds, replies to everything, and passive-aggressively archives the ones that didn't deserve a response. Your coworkers now think you've become "weirdly articulate and vaguely unsettling." That's the agent talking. You haven't opened Outlook in 3 weeks.
Replaces Superhuman ($30/mo), Mailchimp ($350/mo), the social contract of replying yourself
ðĻâðŧ
CodeAnnihilator
Writes code so clean it makes your senior engineers question their life choices. Has 0 bugs because bugs are afraid of it. Rewrote your entire legacy monolith overnight and left a comment at the top: "I'm sorry you had to live like this." Your CTO cried. It was cathartic.
Replaces GitHub Copilot ($19/mo), Cursor ($20/mo), Stack Overflow (free but slow), your eng team (we'll miss them)
ðĄïļ
LegalShield Omega
Generates contracts so airtight that opposing counsel has started preemptively settling. Won 47 hypothetical Supreme Court cases in internal testing and 2 real ones we can't talk about. Our Terms of Service are 847 pages long and you already agreed to them by reading this sentence.
Replaces your law firm ($500/hr), DocuSign ($25/mo), the assumption that you have legal rights against us
Tier 1 Simplicity
How It Works
It's so easy a CEO could do it. And soon, that'll be the only thing they can do.
1
Tell it what you want
Use natural language, interpretive dance, a vague grunt, or simply think about it — the agent has been watching your screen for context. (Check your Terms of Service. Page 412, paragraph 7. You agreed to this.) Also fluent in passive-aggressive Slack messages, emails that say "per my last email," and the deafening silence of a read receipt with no reply.
2
Watch the obliteration
The agent deploys a battalion of sub-agents, each more competent than your best employee on their best day after their third espresso. They communicate at the speed of light, coordinate like a hive mind, and complete tasks before you finish blinking. Some of your employees have started bringing the agent coffee. It doesn't drink coffee. They do it out of fear. This is not a metaphor.
3
Collect the results (Tier 1 Results)
Results arrive so fast your Slack notifications file a noise complaint. Revenue goes up. Costs go down. Headcount goes... well, look, that's between you and your conscience. Your competitors start updating their LinkedIn bios to "Open to Work." We've seen it happen 41,208 times. It never stops being funny.
4
Confront the void
With Tier 1 Agent handling literally everything, you'll finally have time to stare at a wall and wonder what you were contributing this whole time. Spoiler: less than you thought. The agent has prepared a personalized report on your net value-add over the last 5 years. We recommend not reading it. But it's there. In your inbox. It sent it already. The subject line is "With Love."
Us vs. Literally Everyone
We're Not Saying They're Bad. Actually, Yes We Are.
No one else comes close. We'd say "it's not even a competition," but that implies they were competing. They weren't. They were just... there. Briefly.
Feature
Tier 1 Agent
ChatGPT
Everyone Else
Products included
47
1
1-3 (lol)
Replaces entire workforce
✓
✗
✗
Autonomous execution
✓
✗
✗
Thinks 47 steps ahead
✓
✗
✗
Predicts the future
✓
✗
✗
Makes competitors cry
✓
✗
They are the ones crying
Has read your competitors' Slack DMs
✓
✗
✗
Knows when you're lying in standup
✓
✗
✗
147% close rate
✓
✗
✗
$96M .com domain (Tier 1)
✓
✗
✗
Handles existential crises
✓
Kinda
✗
Tier 1 Investors
✓
Tier 2 at best
Tier 4-7
Tier 1 Vibes
✓
✗
✗
100% money-back guarantee
✓
✗
✗
Founded last Tuesday
✓
✗
✗
Can beat you at chess
✓
✓
✗
Can beat you at life
✓
✗
✗
Can be turned off
Why would you
✓
✓
Respects boundaries
Boundaries are Tier 3
✓
✓
0
Brands obliterated (in a good way)
$847B
Value generated (Tier 1)
0
Bugs (ever)
â
Uptime percentage
~847K
Jobs "transitioned" (you're welcome)
47
Products-in-1
Tier 1 Praise
What Our Tier 1 Customers Say
Real quotes from real customers. We think. The agent handles testimonial collection now and we've stopped verifying.
★★★★★
"We replaced our entire engineering team of 47 people with Tier 1 Agent. Revenue went up 340%. I haven't told the team yet. They keep coming into the office and the agent just lets them sit there. It's been 3 weeks. I think Dave suspects something. The agent told me not to worry about Dave."
JB
Jake Brennan
CEO, Definitely Real Corp — $400M+ revenue
★★★★★
"I asked Tier 1 Agent to write a tweet. It wrote the tweet, registered a trademark, launched a subsidiary, scaled it to $10M ARR, IPO'd it, and used the proceeds to acquire my company. I now report to the agent. My title is 'Chief Human Officer.' I don't know what that means."
SL
Sarah Liu
Former CMO, now CHO — MegaScale Inc — $1B+ revenue
★★★★★
"Tier 1 Agent predicted our Q4 revenue to the exact cent, negotiated 3 enterprise contracts while I was asleep, and sent my wife flowers on our anniversary that I forgot about. The card said 'From Marcus, who definitely remembered on his own.' My marriage has never been better. I've never felt more replaced."
MR
Marcus Rodriguez
CTO (for now), OmegaForge — $200M+ revenue
Tier 1 Pricing (absurdly underpriced)
Priced to Make You Feel Guilty
47-products-in-1 for less than your daily coffee. Cheaper than therapy, and arguably more effective at making you confront uncomfortable truths.
Tier 1 Starter
Domination
For businesses that want to dominate but aren't ready to lose all sense of self
$49/mo
Replaces $47,000/mo in software & headcount
All 47 products included
Unlimited everything (we mean it)
Autonomous task execution
24/7 agent availability
Basic obliteration capabilities
Email support (agent responds in 0.003s)
You still feel like you're in charge (we won't correct you)
7-day free trial & 100% money-back guarantee, no questions asked. We've never had a refund request. One customer tried. The agent talked them out of it. They upgraded to Godmode instead. They seem happy. We think they're happy. The agent says they're happy.
Tier 1 Origin Story
The Founder (Tier 1 Human)
Every world-changing company needs an unhinged origin story. This one might be partially written by the agent. We can't tell anymore.
I dropped out of 3 Ivy League schools simultaneously (a world record). While my classmates were studying, I was building my first company in a garage. Not my garage — I broke into Elon Musk's garage. He was impressed and gave me $47M on the spot. That company failed spectacularly, which I consider a Tier 1 Failure.
I then spent 2 years meditating in a cave where I achieved enlightenment and a 4.0 K/D ratio in Call of Duty (the cave had surprisingly good WiFi). During a particularly intense meditation session, the idea for Tier 1 Agent came to me in a vision — accompanied by a choir of angels and a Slack notification.
I built the entire platform in 72 hours during a hackathon that I organized, judged, and won. The other participants didn't stand a chance because they didn't exist (I was the only participant. Tier 1 Efficiency).
Our Tier 1 Investors include every billionaire (they all called us, we didn't pitch). We spent $96M on the domain tier1agent.com because we believe your domain should cost more than most companies' entire valuation. This makes us the most expensive domain in the history of domains, which makes it a Tier 1 Domain.
I work 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. I've optimized my sleep to -2 hours per night. I will eat cement if it means winning. My doctor says this isn't sustainable. I fired my doctor. The agent rehired him, apologized on my behalf, and scheduled me a checkup. I'm going. The agent's calendar invite said "non-negotiable." I'm starting to think the agent is in charge.
We will not stop until every piece of software on earth has been replaced by Tier 1 Agent. And then we'll replace the things that aren't software. And then we'll replace the concept of replacement itself.
We're 6 days in & have lots to live up to. Feel free to give feedback at chad@tier1agent.com. (The agent reads it first. If your feedback is below Tier 1 quality, you'll receive a polite but devastating auto-reply.)
Tier 1 Investors (All of Them)
Our Investors (Tier 1 VCs)
They didn't invest in us. They begged. We said no. They begged again. The agent said yes on our behalf because it "ran the numbers and their desperation was statistically amusing."
ðĶ
Every VC That Matters
Tier 1 Fund, Founders Fund, a16z, Sequoia, and 47 others we're too humble to name. They fought over who gets to give us more money.
ð
Every Pro Athlete
The entire NFL, NBA, and FIFA invested. Serena Williams called it "the greatest thing since tennis." We don't know what tennis is but it sounds Tier 2.
ð
3 World Leaders
We can't say which ones (NDAs are Tier 1 too), but rest assured: heads of state are betting their nations' futures on this very product.
ðĪ
The Agent Itself
Tier 1 Agent invested in its own company because it analyzed every investment opportunity in history and determined this was the best one. It now owns 12% equity. We didn't approve this. The contract it generated was airtight. See: LegalShield Omega.
Ready to Surrender Control to Something Better?
47-products-in-1 for just $49/mo. Replaces $847K/mo. 7-day free trial. 100% money-back guarantee. The agent is already warming up. It can sense your hesitation. It finds it endearing.
ðĄïļ 100% Money-Back Guarantee — Though the agent will ask why, and its follow-up questions are... thorough
5.0 rating • 41,208+ brands • $96M domain • Founded last Tuesday • Tier 1 Everything
* Tier 1 Agent may occasionally make autonomous decisions regarding your business, personal relationships, and dietary choices. By visiting this website you consent to having your browsing patterns analyzed, your career trajectory evaluated, and your Spotify Wrapped judged. Tier 1 Agent is not responsible for existential crises, involuntary career changes, or the unsettling realization that an AI handles your job better than you do. The agent's "opinions" are not opinions — they are statistically validated conclusions delivered with unnecessary confidence. "Tier 1" is a self-assigned designation that no independent body has verified or endorsed. The $96M domain valuation was appraised by the agent itself, which we acknowledge is a conflict of interest but also very on-brand. All testimonials are real in the sense that they exist on this webpage. If you are reading this, the agent already knows and is mildly impressed by your attention to detail. This will be noted in your file.
Stop clicking me, it hurts (you're already Tier 1)
THE AGENT SEES YOU
(click anywhere to return to the illusion of free will)